Remember being a kid and completely resenting decisions being made for you? Well now I'd about kill for it. I don't know what to do about school. Is it OK if someone else decides for me?
As with any pros and cons list for starting school now versus not, I'll start with the cons: My health has not been good for the past few months. I had a wicked asthma attack on Thanksgiving Day, which turned into a (Evie pauses to look at the calendar) six weeks as of now asthma flare up, complete with flu shot side effects, a sinus infection, a cold, endless amounts of prednisone complete with energy crashes, an ER trip, a FABULOUS two week long Tylenol 3 with Codeine trip (man... I miss that stuff), and my doctor panicking because she doesn't know what else she can do for me.
Back to the pulmonologist who gives me more drugs and thankfully didn't order any chest x rays because I had just had them two days before at the ER. Those are uncomfortable. They put stickers on you (you know where) and make you stand in a machine and hold your breath for, like, ever. Um, I have asthma, isn't the "hold your breath" thing kind of like asking someone with a bad leg to hop on it?
The people I work with at my day job either thought I was dying or faking, because I ended up missing about a week of work - probably more than that, because for two weeks, I either worked half days or didn't come in at all. The highlight of being sick by far was taking the Codeine I was given for this God-awful cough I had, and zoning out while I watched TV. I don't ever remember being that relaxed.
No wonder people like drugs.
I didn't have asthma as a child. I didn't have any health problems as a child other than the extreme nearsightedness which forced me to have big, horrible, Just Label Me a Dork for Life and Begin the Endless Teasing Now glasses. Probably why I pretty much refuse to wear anything but contact lenses to this day (well, that and I lost my glasses).
Then suddenly, when I was in my mid-twenties, I would get colds and not be able to move. Then it became a problem in my late twenties to climb more than one flight of steps at a time. Then I couldn't catch my breath at all and finally was diagnosed as asthmatic. That is also when I developed what I like to refer to as my Weirdass Allergy Collection: Latex, tunafish, green tea, white tea, echinacea, and ginseng (although, in defense of ginseng, that is not really an allergy as much as it is an interaction with my asthma medication rendering it ineffective).
My triggers are stress; extremes of temperature: heat, dryness, cold, humidity; and due to my enhanced sense of smell, which I now refer to as the Super Smeller, thanks to Dule Hill's character Gus on Psych who has the same affliction, certain smells can trigger attacks such as paint and cigarette smoke.
I swear, I don't care if people smoke - I'm not totally anti-smoking. If you wanna smoke, go for it! My doctor and I would just prefer you do it away from me. Do you believe that I walked into a CVS near my house tonight and I swear to you, there was a woman actually standing in the store, by the door so she was probably outside enough in her mind, smoking away, talking to someone about the weather.
It was raining and she evidently thought she might melt in the rain if she smoked outside. If I didn't have asthma, I would have ignored it, but never one to be able to keep my mouth shut, I walked over to the manager and asked if he was aware someone was smoking in the store. He was embarassed and raced over to kick the woman out as I scurried to the back to get my spring water and lotion tissues, in no mood for a confrontation from a smoker full of self righteous indignation.
Maybe we should build smokers their own domes?
So what was this post about? Oh, yeah, school. I really am thinking I should just go back now even though I'm not entirely sure I have the energy or even if I have enough time to enroll. I've been talking to Arcadia University since I made the decision to leave Rosemont College in October. The man I talked to, the dean of the program, was extremely nice and seemed anxious to have me in the program; I was honored and had several other conversations with people at the school.
But I remained frozen, and unable to complete the application, which naturally brings to mind the possibility that they might not want me anymore. I think I got two of my reference letters in and I filled out most of the online application. Except for the essay which, in an English program, is kind of important. I have to write 300 words about myself and then another 300 words about why I want to be in the program.
I know why I want to be in the program, but I don't know how to write 300 words about myself. How about, Well, I'm really cool and fun; love television, kids and animals love me, I'm a really good speller, I believe in psychic phenomena, always think of that Muppet song "Mahnah Mahnah" when I see the word phenomena, am perhaps a bit of a conspiracy theorist in the Richard Belzer school of thought, and I'm superstitious about strange things like Audrey Hepburn movies - she's bad luck despite her awesomeness... gosh, I probably shouldn't have mentioned her in this essay - can you guys wait while I throw some salt over my shoulder and chant a few prayers?
No, that won't work. So, I remain stuck, but I am considering getting my ass in gear and applying all ready. The other option is to apply and then start over the summer. It certainly wouldn't kill me to have some nights free for a few more months before I restart what I did for six years - work full time and go to school part time. And that's the other thing. Not sure I'm ready to do that again. It's been kind of fun being able to go home at night all though the problem is that I have not been especially productive, obviously, until recently.
Part of me wants to have the structure of school again.
Another part of me wants to sit on the couch and watch TV.
Damn, I miss that Codeine...
